Shot taken in Krakow, Poland.
As an avid traveler, I get asked often how I deal with, you know, “stares”, when I travel in regions where not a lot of black people travel.
A prolonged stare is creepy enough to rattle even the most intrepid of travelers. As much as we don’t acknowledge it, we all truly experience travel differently. Sometimes on a much deeper level than we’re even aware of. And unfortunately, some experiences can be marred by how people react to us…physically.
Here’s an excerpt from a piece I wrote awhile back that talked about dealing with stereotypes:
Your friend just returned from the trip of a lifetime – traveling around remote regions, being invited into homes of locals, feasting on ethnic spreads, and immersing in centuries old cultures.
Seething with travel envy, you sign up for your own life changing trip, only to arrive there and find your reception quite different from that of your friend’s.
You’re not readily welcomed with open arms and you’re constantly being gawked at. At that moment, no one can understand the level of dejection you’re feeling…..Read entire article
Situations like these can leave the traveler confused and unsure of themselves. Having experienced a range of reactions from locals over the years – from acceptance to blatant rejection – I’ve decoded various types of stares into seven distinct types:
The “What on Earth?” stare
This is your typical “I’ve just seen a ghost look.” Usually reserved for older men and women and accompanied with a slight jaw-drop.
The “Hellooooo…baby!” stare
They’ve watched the music videos. They’ve seen the stereotypes on TV. So when they see you, they put two-and-two together and react based on assumptions. “They” being middle-aged men.
The “Frozen in Time” stare
Similar to the way a cow stops and stares, half-chewing and frozen in time. This usually happens when I saunter into tiny villages. They stop and freeze. This look also pops up on occasion in city settings especially with much older folk (80s and older) who freeze their steps and stare. The difference between the ‘What on Earth?” and this look is that the “What on Earth?”s keep on walking while these just freeze.
The “Covert Operation” stare
The sneakiest of the bunch, they use every reflective surface to observe and study you. Unless you catch them via their reflection in the mirror. Usually reserved for older teenagers (both girls and boys) and young men who find you attractive.
The “Confused” stare
They know I exist yet are taken by surprise when I turn up in their ski lodge or on their yacht.
The “Abject Fascination” stare
Just the other day, I watched, fascinated myself as a little boy, barely 8 months old, strapped into a grocery cart trailed me up and down an aisle with just his eyes. His dad, walking back from another aisle, caught his baby rubbernecking and we shared a lighthearted laugh.
Kids point. They stare. They gawk. Sometimes they laugh. If their natural curiosity didn’t bubble to the surface, frankly, I’d be concerned.
The “Utterly Disgusted” stare
Definitely the most difficult to stomach. Sometimes, you look over your shoulder wondering who they’re staring at with such loathe only to realize it’s…you?! Usually borne from previous negative experiences or just deep-seated prejudice you really can’t change in a day.
Note – All of these types of stares, excluding the “Covert operation” stare are usually followed by some serious rubbernecking to make sure what they’re seeing isn’t a figment of their imagination.
So, how do I handle stares, you ask?
I just keep on traveling.
That’s the only way.
For real!
LOL @ staring back with fast blinks. Thanks Monica! 🙂
This is funny. I can identify with most of these. I got the “abject fascination stare from a little Polish girl this past holiday. I smiled at her, she smiled back. It was a nice moment. 🙂
Haha, definitely a nice moment!
I love that you had the courage to take a photo of this shameless starer.
ROFLOL!
I can identify, of course. My personal “favorites” include the circle-her-while-staring look (Rome) and the point-and-laugh-REALLY-loud (kids in Peru) . Amen to the keep traveling, although I sometimes stare back or look at them with fast blinks. It never helps. 🙂
Awesome post.
@Leigh – Thanks for chiming in! We’re all guilty of staring. It’s totally human nature.
You’re assuming all the stares above are rude. The “Covert Operation” and “Abject Fascination” stares aren’t traditionally rude stares. That’s why I broke them all out.
For example, “I wonder what this person is doing here” which you mentioned would categorically go under “Confused” in some sense. So it’s not a literal “confused”, but rather a “hmm! I wonder what they’re doing skiing” and such.
How great that you took a photo of his stare, too. So funny.
As for staring, yes, it is pretty much rude. But aren’t sometimes stares ok? Clearly not the disgusted, but when you’re seeing something or someone you’ve never seen before.
I have to admit, I know I’m guilty of it. But I promise, there’s never any malice, more of an “I wonder what this person is doing here” sort of thing. And my stares aren’t restricted by color of skin. I’m always looking at something.
All that said, I’ve noticed recently a group of very dark skinned men selling watches in the Salta market . Here in Salta, the term “black” generally refers to anyone with non-European white skin. Someone with truly “black” skin is such an anomaly here.
@Nomadic Matt – I think he won. I just kept on walking 🙂
@Lily – All you can do is just laugh and keep on traveling.
@Nancy – My favorite has to be the “Covert Operation”. Very sneaky.
@Adrienne – Thanks! So true. Sometimes, things just have to roll off one’s shoulders. Love your Yoruba name…”God has given me joy!”
Wonderful article Lola!
I can relate to soo many of the stares mentioned and then some. There was the time in Romania when I encountered a drunk and obnoxious starer, who said some very stupid things I let roll off my spine since I was only 19 years old and also since his words meant so little to me. The stares got a little old in Tajikistan where kids chased with camera phones to take a picture. All good nature, but it feels good to blend in or be unnoticed at times.
This is why I say people are the most fascinating attraction of the destination. They can make or break the beauty of the mountain with words that cut through like rough rivers. (If you let them.) One of my favorite poems from the Harlem Renaissance by Countee Cullen illustrates this best. It’s titled “Baltimore.”
Keep traveling Lola!
—Olufunmilayo or Adrienne 🙂
Amazing post, Lola. Frozen in time and confused stare made me laugh out loud. So which stare is your favorite?
Spain is indeed BAD!!! As fun a place as it is – I never expected it. The most ridiculous was one older man who was walking towards me on the same side of the sidewalk in Madrid. I was just strolling along and heading back to my hotel, when he looked at me and literally STOPPED dead in his tracks on the sidewalk and stared. Like he’d seen an ET. It totally stunned me I have to say. In the end I just had to shake my head and laugh it off.
Who won the staring contest with this guy? I got 3 bucks on him. I bet you blinked first lol
@Candice – You totally crack me up! Can’t wait to see you and give you a big hug!.
Lol, the “confused stare” made me giggle. Not gonna lie, I’m probably gonna stare at you at TBEX, but only because I’ll be so fascinated to be in such terrific company.
This one is one of your most intriguing post indeed and it one of the best story to read.
Great one!
@Fly Brother – That has got to be the quote of the week!
@Sarah – Thanks!
@Lily – Yes, Spain is notorious as well, believe it or not, and it’s usually a mix of the “Hello baby”, “Covert Operation”, and “Disgust” one
@Renelda – You probably didn’t notice it. Most likely the “Covert Operation” 🙂
@Ekua – Thanks! I figured it was time to just come out and highlight because it’s sooo true.
@Dianne – That’s crazy that someone screamed out loud! I totally feel for your friend.
@Felicia – Haha! Work it! Definitely the right attitude.
@Lyn – Thanks! You’ll most likely encounter the “Abject Fascination” stare more than the others when you get to remote parts of Kenya.
@Fly Girl – That’s right. I just ignore them or sometimes laugh if it’s just ridiculously long. Thanks!
@Temitayo – Welcome to my spot and thanks so much. Glad you liked the Lagos post. Hope to see you here again!
My first time here….you have really lovely pictures. And I loved the way you described Lagos on Travelers Notebook…now, I have you on my Reader so I will keep coming 🙂
Yep, all you can do is keep on travelilng! I’ve gotten quite a few of these stares and i usually ignore them or stare right back, which usually inspires them to turn away. Great post!
So enlightening … it ‘s funny how as a pastey white person, I have never experienced this and never even considered/or noticed that people would stare. Naive or what! How exhausting that must be – and how courageous are you to raise awareness of this issue. I suspect I will learn a dose of empathy when I am a white face in Kenya … Thanks Lola … thought provoking post.
Brilliant Post!
People will stare whether you’re home (wherever that is) or abroad. When they stare at me my “stare theme song” (Amazons always walk around with a stare theme song. Ha!) plays loud in my head: PYT by Michael Jackson. Don’t know it? It goes : “Where did you come from lady, and oooh won’t you take me there right away wont’ you bay bay! This is what I believe is playing loud and clear in their heads and this belief never fails to put me in the best mood as I sashay down my own runway! Ha!!! Work!
I will share this post with friends and family. Great one, Lola!
I had to laugh out loud at this post, Indians (where I live and roam) stare at any foreigner in a variety of those poses which is enough to make you feel like a monkey in a zeebut once when I traveled with a black friend..MY GOD.. they did all that and one woman screamed OUT LOUD!
keep on traveling girl!
Oh, I so know all of these stares! This is such a great post idea and I’m so glad you wrote it. You’re totally right… all you can do is just keep traveling and show more and more people that you’re just a regular person.
In the article, you mentioned that “Being served that Dutch pastry last even though you were clearly first in line means you got to sample some scrumptious traditional dessert instead of being upset the rest of the day” I think I feel welcome in Holland. So far, I have not encountered the look yet.
LOL, aaaah the stares! Yes indeed, I completely identify. The worst was probably in Madrid. Amen to keeping on traveling, that’s exactly what I do, too.
Wow, Lola. This is powerful. And right on about how we all experience travel differently. Props to you for not letting it get to you.
“As much as we don’t acknowledge it, we all truly experience travel differently.”
Nuff said!
(Once, I entered a Pollo Campero in downtown Guatemala City to not only stares, but gasps and upward gazes of sheer terror, like Godzilla had just walked in and ordered a two-piece.)