When I was younger (think early twenties), I was on a breakneck speed to conquer the world. The perpetual traveler. To soak in everything I could in a short amount of time before finally settling down. The concept of “settling down” to me meant getting married and having kids, and obviously that meant giving up my life of solo travel. That fear of not fitting everything I wanted to see in a certain self-allotted time span within my life was overwhelming sometimes.
I was so scared of this in my twenties. I’d cringe, not in irritation but rather in pity, when a baby was screaming on-board with an exasperated parent or two trying to calm him or her down. I’d watch as parents had to cut sightseeing trips short due to poopy diapers, temper tantrums, hungry mouths, and shrieks at unbelievable decibels.
In a sense, I felt like travel – “true” travel the way I viewed it back then – could only be accomplished before one technically “settled down”. I mean, how could I go hiking the foothills of the Himalayas with a toddler in tow? Would I ever reach the North Pole now? Oh, and that 3-month South Pacific island hopping trip I’d long dreamed of? Would it ever come to fruition?
How wrong I was.
Obviously that fear was unfounded as I know lots of mommy travelers now. My view of travel was so limited back then. This was before I discovered Matador and the travel blogging community and lots of married couples and mommy travelers all conquering the world with partners and children and screaming babies in tow.
I think this is a question a lot of travelers struggle with. I’m talking about those travelers who eventually want to move into the next phase of life – having kids – at some point in time. They worry if their wanderlust would be sapped dry. They’re afraid to sit tight for a couple months, maybe the first year of their child’s life, for fear of missing out on something. They’re afraid they’ll start updating their Facebook statuses with baby photos (guilty!) instead of enviable photos from remote locations that elicit “I’m so jealous of your travels!” comments.
They’re afraid of somehow “delaying” their passion for independent travel.
How wrong I am.
I write this blog post as the most wonderful gift I’ve been blessed with is lying on a boppy pillow across my lap, sleeping. The most important job I’ve been tasked with: being responsible for someone else’s life. I can’t wait to start showing her the world. We already have appointments set up for her passports this month. Yes, both of them.
My parents took me on my first international trip before I even turned one, and we traveled frequently over the following years. How I lost sight of this fact in my twenties, I have no idea.
Life really is about multi-tasking, balancing, sharing experiences, rising to challenges, and above all, counting blessings and staying grateful every single day. There are so many people who would give anything to have a baby lying on a boppy pillow across their laps. Perpetual travelers included.
I’ve been having this discussion with my significant other for months now! It does seem as if I’ll have to slow down or else line up a string of understanding babysitters. It’s gotten to the point that my mom is asking me when I’m going to have a baby and yes, I cringe at the thought. It’s wonderful to have your perspective. Family is extremely important to me, but knowing when is the struggle.
@Christy – Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts. I love that line -> “It’s like a race with myself…”. I can totally relate. I’m a firm believer that we are all (and should be) our own biggest competitors. Anything else will burn us out and pull us off our authentic paths in life.
@Sandra – Thanks! Can’t wait for our first trip together.
@Wendy – Long time and great to hear from you! Thanks so much.
Lola,
How wonderful! Congrats on motherhood and no doubt your daughter will be a citizen of the world just like you.
Wonderful article, Lola. And your little one is one lucky girl. I know she will get to experience the world with you.
I love this article!! It just speaks my sentiments exactly! I am like you, and in fact, I am still thinking about how pregnancy or motherhood is going to change the way things work with my career and travelling and I realized it’s because there are just so many things out there I want to and have yet to do!! It’s like a race with myself, really, come to think of it, and like you, I worry myself incessantly about whether I will be able to achieve my dreams (travel and career) if there is a baby in tow.
I guess, you have shown me a different perspective now; that it is really not that bad and that it should not be viewed so negatively:p
Funny how it is easy for me to say that we should think positive and just let nature takes its own course, but there are still times when I fall into the same trap.
Thank you for this enlightening post, it just changes the angle of looking at everything now, and did I mention I really enjoyed your article?;)
Nice meeting you!
@Megan – Thanks for commenting. Personally, I knew I wanted kids sometime in my future and ideally by 35. I turn 34 this year so it was getting there.
@Kendra – Thanks! And there’s nothing wrong trying to fit things in before baby comes. Lord knows it’s a lot of work and would be more challenging to lug them around the world with you, but the key is not looking at that next stage in life as “settling down” and killing one’s dreams.
@Akila – Thanks so much and I totally relate, especially with you guys being married travelers. Having kids will certainly slow down the pace and can be an advantage too -> more time to soak up a place.
@Janice – Thank you so so much for sharing your story and experiences! Amazing! I always look at photos of my sisters and I with my parents. We traveled a lot as a family when we were younger and I always wondered how they managed to cope with us all.
@Amanda – I’ve been following your travels and writing for awhile and I love how you’ve prioritized your life now…family comes first no matter what and taking adequate time to stay in a place for awhile to make sure your son grows and learns is extremely important. Living in Australia does make it a little tougher to jet around, but still, exploring more of your country is equally as important. I plan to do more exploring in Sweden as well.
@Audrey – Haha! Thanks so much. I promise to limit the Facebook bombardment. I totally hear you and I’m looking forward to strapping her up and hitting the road.
@Filip – Ha! Thanks. That’s me 😉
@Heather – I hear ya! Amazing how kids naturally force us to slow down our travels. Looking forward to following your travels.
@Andrea – Wishing you guys the very best with your baby plans! Life will change for the better, even though those first weeks of sleepless nights might make you feel otherwise 🙂
@Julie – Ha! Thanks 🙂
YES! [I’d write more, but I have my little traveler snuggled up to me, watching a movie.]
We want to try for a baby later this year and I definitely wonder what our travel life will look like when we start a family. Happy to hear a bright and inspired point of view about it all – enjoy! =)
Lola – congrats! Interesting how perspective can change huh? I just planned our first big family trip, and while before I would have wanted to go hopping between several different destinations and use only public transport, this time I booked a condo for two weeks and a rental car. Sure, we’ll have to slow the pace a bit, but it will be so exciting to share our travels with our little one.
The girl posing for the picture is super. Great shot.
Greetings,
Filip
It’s so wonderful to read how having a child has only renewed your excitement to travel because you want to share the world with her. My parents traveled with me from the time I was 5 weeks old so I know how possible it is and I see the opportunities and joys traveling with children all the time. True, you might not be able to take that overnight chicken bus as often, but the trade offs are so worth it. And, I personally love seeing your photo updates of Emelie on Facebook 🙂
Lola, so true and exactly how I’ve experienced it. Although I keep going through phases where I feel a bit “trapped” and too “settled down”, part of that’s because I am living in the most isolated city in the world – something I forget! – but in recent months I’ve certainly realised that I can continue doing lots of great travel. I’m not sure how easy it would be with more than one child but with my little boy I can definitely imagine continuing to fulfil lots of travel dreams. And I forget that before his 2nd birthday he has already had a trip to Europe and two trips to the other side of Australia (and therefore, so have I!) – not too shabby I suppose.
And yes, like you, having my little boy is the best thing in the whole world ever, and what a blessing and privilege it is that we can combine that job with travelling as well. We’re very lucky!!
Lola, When I was twenty, I declared that I would never have children. I left for Paris thinking that I would live and work there. I had hoped to marry a French man and travel the world. Life is full of surprises. Instead I met and fell in love with a man from Chicago and got pregnant in less that a year. We wound up traveling the world for the next six years and having two more babies in Belgium and Turkey. We finally settled down to raise them with our family. Whenever we returned home for a visit they were afraid of their grandparents. They never could remember them.
Traveling with baby is a wonderful experience. It shifts your perspective of travel to learn parenting skills in various cultures. Sometimes I traveled by myself with three babies and toddlers under age five. I had developed a system. My children were always close to me. They were quiet and well-behaved during flights. They would sleep or play games. We flew often as bounced around the globe like basketballs following the basketball career of my ex-huband not knowing if we would be in a country for a week or a year.
I am at the other end of the spectrum now. My goal is to travel with my adult offspring and their husbands and boyfriends or girlfriends. I don’t have grandchildren yet. So my desire to return to the places they were born and where we lived overseas. Travel is always a lifetime journey even with offspring. It is a legacy to be passed down.
This is such a great post Lola. And, yes, this is a HUGE fear of ours, as well — but slowly, I’m starting to realize that having kids doesn’t mean ending travels. That, in fact, traveling with a child can be better for both the parent as well as the kid. I can’t wait to see what adventures y’all take with your little one.
Lola- your my hero. Alas I am guilty of trying to fit in as much as I can before baby day. Thanks so much for sharing.
Thanks so much for sharing this, Lola. I guess it is a fear we all struggled or struggle with at some point. I am not “there” yet in terms of finding a way to make room for a child in my life, but it is great to see an example of someone who can make it work. 🙂