I’ve often written about how, as someone who writes about travel and place, I never want to glamorize the actual act of traveling in a way that makes people feel like their own natural path in life isn’t sufficient. That’s one of the reasons why I don’t count countries or maintain public bucket lists anymore. I fully understand the innate desire many of us share to explore the world and we’re often inspired by others who are doing what we would like to be doing.
But I’ve always felt like there’s a fine line between inspiring people to live their most authentic self by trying to live authentically myself, and just projecting a “super awesome lifestyle” that makes other people feel like their own calling – whatever it is – isn’t super or awesome enough.
So, my least favorite phrase in all of travel?…“I’m sooo jealous of your travels!“
I’ve mentioned this to a couple buddies before. I dislike that phrase with every fiber of my being. Yes, I know it’s often used to mean “I’m inspired by your travels“, and I may have even used it once in my doe-eyed past, but that word “jealous“, even in its most casual utterance, bothers me.
Just like drunk-dialing a crush by mistake at 2am in the morning, there’s always some element of truth in there.
That phrase to me means “I’d rather be living your life instead of mine” and it concerns me that even those who are avid travelers themselves throw it around as well.
Again, I get it. I understand why it’s used.
But it’s these casual phrases that we throw around in good spirit that often begin to breed unnecessary contempt.
Suddenly your own travels don’t seem enough compared to others. Your trek up Kilimanjaro isn’t enough because someone else is heading off to the Himalayas. You begin to compare yourself – your achievements, your successes, your failures – to others.
You begin dreaming someone else’s dream instead of yours, losing sight of all your own progressions that deserve to be lauded.
So as creatives, lets strive to find words to communicate and denote inspiration, instead of putting lipstick on that very ugly word -> Jealousy.
@Abbie – Good one!
@Cynthia – No worries at all. I found that one through a friend as well.
@Good Naija Girl – Thanks!
@Julie – Exactly. Be happy for each other. Also support each other as we each live our own dreams.
@Andi – I can imagine! And like I said, I know it’s usually mostly used as a way of saying I’m inspired (or I’m excited as you pointed out).
I say it sometimes, but I mean it more of, “Wow I am so excited for you, because this to is a dream I share and want to accomplish one day too.” I don’t say it often though, because it bugs me as well. I literally hear it almost every single day of my life.
I’ve been meaning to write a post about this forever because, like you, one of the most annoying phrases I hear people say to each other about their travels–and their lifestyles in general–is “Sooo jealous!”. Let’s just be happy for one another and each live our own dreams.
Well said, and a good reminder to me to dream my own dream and not get distracted by others dreaming their dreams!
Could not agree more about that Yoruba saying. “The sky is big enough for all birds to fly.” I’m always lamenting the scarcity mentality, and now I have a good African proverb to illustrate it. Thanks.
It bugs me, too, but also makes me sad. When people say that to me, I usually tell them to go travel 😉
@Dahveeeeed! – Thanks for chiming in! Been thinking about you and your fam as well. Thanks for pointing me towards Andy Irons. Such a fascinating background he had.
I totally love that proverb about the sky.
Especially in this online world where there’s undue pressure to develop larger-than-life personas which bump shoulders into other larger-than-life personas. Something we probably won’t have done offline.
Enough sky for everyone!
lola dropping da truth!
hope you and family are well.
such a reality check here. what ppl perceive from the outside (especially one’s online persona) is never how it actually feels at ground level.
sometimes i think about andy irons. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andy_Irons)
he was someone who’d ridden better waves, traveled to more places than almost anyone ever. he was a star. had family on the way. had a loving community around him.
but still he had demons (as we all do) and medicated himself to death.
there’s nothing to be jealous of, ever.
each of has, as you say, that little bit of sky.
@Jools – Ha!! I hear you 🙂 It is VERY hard not to stack one’s self up against perceived competition. And I love being inspired everyday. The quickest way to finding contentment and happiness in life is to remain grateful for even the smallest of things. There’s a Yoruba proverb that says “The sky is big enough for all birds to fly!”. That’s what I’ve started pulling from each time I think of “competition”.
@Cynthia – There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the fact that you’re now able to travel as much as you’ve always dreamed. No question. I think we’re talking two different things here. I’m actually addressing those who use the phrase “I’m so jealous of your travels” to mean “I’m inspired by your travels”.
Not you as the traveler; the subject of the phrase. We obviously have to live our own lives without having to feel burdened by every single person’s emotions, I agree with you.
I personally try not to count countries publicly and I’ve been to a lot. I have my private lists of things I’d love to do, but don’t call them bucket lists because for me, it denotes having to race through life to accomplish them.
I’m so jealous of you for wriitng this post! 😛 Thing is it’s VERY hard to not compare yourself, not just in terms of lifestyle/travel, but also professionally. And, in a way, the memes aroudn travel online encourage it. Just look at all the aspirational guff pumped out every day on pinterest or facebook.
“I’m sooo jealous of your travels” also irks me, but mostly because it implies that that part of my life that involves travelling for my work is all fun all the time. It is not. However, I must admit, as someone who has wanted to travel the world for a long time now, that counting countries and maintaining a bucket list is fun. I can’t stop doing it simply because it might make someone else jealous or feel that their own lives is not awesome enough. That is putting a lot of responsibility on how someone else feels on me instead of where it belongs – squarely on that other someone. If we were to live our lives so others don’t ever feel jealous we might as well pack it up. Some people will always not be happy for others based on their own real or perceived shortcomings. And that’s something they need to deal with. Not me.