Every year, I pick out a focus word. A word that governs various aspects of my life that year in lieu of resolutions. My previous words have been focus (2009), discipline (2010), growth (2011), nurture (2012), surrender (2013), challenge (2014), connect (2015), and strength (2016).
Their chatter died down to a hush the second they heard my footsteps approaching from around the corner.
Five heads, shaven and pale under fluorescent airport lights turned to watch me walk past. I marched on, fully aware of those eyes trailing my steps. In an usually sparse corner of the airport, the silence was unnerving, but I marched on unflinching, head held high. Inside, my heart was glad I hadn’t been strolling past them down a back alley at night.
One of them cracked under the tense silence, letting out a low snicker, and with that gesture, I was immediately on those skinheads’ radar.
Before relief washed over me once at my gate, I spotted two police officers waiting nearby, and I immediately knew we were going to be sharing the same flight. Their raucous banter reached us before they did, and I was once again on their radar. I also happened to be the only black person boarding which meant their eyes were all over me, making my skin crawl, trying to intimidate me, the nearby officers their only deterrent.
Everyone noticed them, including my middle-aged white seatmate who seemed to overcompensate by adding more love where hate was trying to squeeze it out in full view.
Because she saw.
But they couldn’t help themselves.
While deplaning, the same one who’d cracked under our silence with a snicker, the youngest of the lot, turned to me a random stranger.
“And there’s a f**king n****r!” he snickered…
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This wasn’t my first encounter with racists. I get the occasional trolls and bat off prejudice within my social and career circles in one form or the other on a weekly basis. I’ve had in-person encounters as well over 20 years of independent travel.
But this brazenness is what 2016 unleashed and subsequently fueled.
The subconscious normalization of hate where people hidden away from light in very dark corners can now openly assault under daylight, empowered by rhetoric, while others turn away. I’ve already shared my thoughts about the emotions that coursed through me right after the US elections.
My overarching message was that those who said they loved me yet voted for this new world that clearly puts me in danger just for existing as a black woman really don’t.
And you know what’s equally as terrifying as blatant prejudice to me?
Those who silently exclude because they feel threatened by you. Who quietly work behind the scenes to undermine because everything they’ve ever been taught was that they are the only ones who were always meant to wield power. Those who seek to constantly compete instead of logically collaborate. Who steal because they can’t create. Who buy loyalty through superficial means. Who can’t share space with others. Especially “others” who don’t look like them.
And they’ll do everything to hang on, lest a black Nigerian woman who happens to be very accomplished in many ways from diligently putting in years of hard work, threaten that fragility.
So while 2016 was one of my strongest years as a freelancer and entrepreneur in terms of all the amazing work, projects, and travel (which I am super grateful for), it was also one of my most emotionally draining. Turning on the news was not only depressing but it pushed me to the brink of hopelessness a few times. A place I never, ever want to tread again as a person of faith.
Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have… 1 Peter 3:15-16
Because if I found that snickering skinhead lying on the side of the road injured, I want to remain that person who will always reach out to help a fellow human being. Even if they’ll never do the same for me.
So my focus word (or phrase, o ye grammar police) for 2017 is simple… Self Care
It will be a year of additional culling. One which started in 2016. Of time wasters and energy suckers. Of noise and unnecessary social chatter.
It will be the year of alone time and quiet meditative spaces. Of revitalization and rejuvenation. Of less impulse and more calculation. Of spiritual growth and continually processing the world through wisdom from a higher place.
Of guarding my very vulnerable heart while still being as compassionate, empathetic and kind as I can be.
Of giving to those who need it the most, not to the metaphorically rich who feign poverty.
Of digging back into that well from which my creativity springs.
It will be the year of more cathartic writing. More for the heart and less for the coin.
Of delegating as a way of self care. Of investing time in solid projects, partnerships, and relationships which have been very good to me and pursuing many more worthy causes.
Because if I am to continue fighting injustice, inequality, and prejudice even within my own professional circles, I can’t do so on blanks and need to fully reload in every possible way.
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Wow. My heart weeps reading this. Keep holding your head high; you know something they don’t. Your love and fortitude replace their fear and hatred. Humanity is in such a state of crisis; we all need self-care. This year, more than any other, I wish to give voice and empower those who have been forgotten, oppressed, trampled upon.
Yes!! Thanks so much Cristina!
Lola, I can’t even imagine how unnerving that must have been for you. I don’t know what I would’ve done in your situation. As a fellow woman of color, I appreciate all that you do to make your voice heard…
The feeling was horrible but as I wrote, our heads will always be held up high. No one can take away our dignity and integrity
Så vackert sagt! jag själv har EGENVÅRD som fokus i år då jag jobbar mig tillbaka från en utmattning…. Numera driver jag företag och älskar att hjälpa människor finna sin inre styrka igen. Jag brinner för hälsa till kropp, själ och ande! Lyssna gärna på min podd; The Slow Living Podcast på Itunes!
So beautifully said! I have self-esteem as a focus year when I work back from a fatigue …. Now I’m doing business and love to help people find their inner strength again. I burn for health to body, soul and spirit! Listen to my podd; The Slow Living Podcast on Itunes!
Tack så mycket Annika! Jag ska lyssna på din podd! Jag driver också Slow Travel Stockholm så kanske jag kan göra en intervju med dig? – https://www.slowtravelstockholm.com Hälsningar
Du får gärna intervjua mig! Hör av dig så ordnar vi nåt….
I can’t believe it’s 2017 and you still have to deal with racial bigots like that! I’m so sorry, Lola. That must be so frustrating to continue to fight such a stupid, fruitless war.
Funny my focus word is actually “focus.” This is the year I start to block out all the noise (or at least try…) and focus on what matters.
I hear you Kristin! Hate is becoming normalized again and I refuse to accept or tolerate it.
Here’s to a 2017 filled with intention and focus! And here’s to blocking out unnecessary noise and reclaiming our sanity back 🙂
Thank you for sharing. Sounds like 2016 was a year of strength and your transition to self care is essential. A now deceased Canadian leftist politician Jack Layton once said: My friends, love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world. Yes!
Thanks so much Miranda. Absolutely! Wishing you a solid 2017. Yes to love, hope, and optimism.
Thanks so much for sharing. It must have been awful, but you kept your head held right up high.
I’m disappointed that these thugs had the nerve to openly declare themselves. And that’s the worst part of the move towards the Far Right across Europe and the Atlantic – the openness in which to “express” those feelings that were always there, but supressed in politeness, political correctness, or “not the done thing.” Perhaps it’s for the best – keep your friends close, and your enemies closer type of thing. But I doubt it.
As a woman of colour myself, I’m not immuned to such hatred though luckily for me because of the circle that I move in, it’s extremely rare. And I guess because it’s so rare, I sometimes put myself in danger because of it. You were wise, and walked away. I probably wouldn’t have, and dangerously, would have gone back and given them a piece of my mind. In many ways it usually shocks these cowards into submission because they’re not expecting it, and because I use my “teachers’ voice” to put them in their place. I’ve done this a few times over 20 years, and sadly, most of it was in the old days in East Berlin where I was forbidden from leaving the car. It was very different then!!
I’m not really into personal goals and such. Ooops! However, I’ve noticed a lot more enquiries from people around the world, asking me for advice as to safety in Europe. So on that note, my goal would be to encourage them to visit, and how to feel safer. No matter where they’re from!
p.s. Congratulations on your personal and professional achievements in 2016. You do us all proud. 🙂
Thanks so much Victoria! I think we’re living in times when we really can’t afford to keep “enemies closer”. I think for those guys, ignoring them worked for me because they clearly wanted to be acknowledged and I didn’t give them that luxury. Hope 2017 is the year we finally have a hug in real life! Safe travels my friends, also super proud of all you’ve accomplished in 2016 and see you soon.
Praying for your self care this year. Thanks for the word! Mine is Embrace! Amen.
I’m sorry you had to endure that. Ignorance is something we don’t have words for its so immensely painful to see folk drown in their own hate.
Thanks so much Jennifer! I love your own word.
Lola I am truly lost for words at this moment…..but I know you will always try and be the light that you are. I truly can not understand how as citizens of the World we have come to this terrible state we are in. The evil, the violence, the instant gratification at anyone’s and everyone’s expense! I grew up in a time when people worked hard and shared what little they had with their neighbors and friends and looked after each other and knew the people around them. We could sleep with the doors unlocked in the hot Summer months and not worry about it. We could sleep outside in the tent all Summer long with no worries. People worked hard and did things for the right reasons because it was the right thing to do. When did we became a nation of liars, cheaters, stealers and murders?! And WHY do we still tolerate these behaviors?!! I have, for the majority of my life, been the light and I hope that I can continue to shine despite people’s attempts to dim me. I always say: “Just Breathe” everything will be what was meant to be. There are lessons hidden everywhere and sometimes we just don’t seem them until we have learned them. You are all stronger than you realize and we can all over come anything that life throws at us.
I completely hear you Monica. The world can be very cruel but it is up to each one of us to choose how we want to navigate it. With love and a higher sense of self-awareness or from a place on constant hate and paranoia. Keep being a light, Monica!
Determination. Courage.
Yes, Courage -> Strength in the face of pain.
Ah Lola! This post speaks to me on so many levels. As a black woman, I too understand your frustration about these elections and the need to cull and self-care to a greater extent. On another note, I feel better knowing that the losers that were hiding have come to the surface – in other words, the feces in the toilet bowl have risen to the top to reveal themselves. It is important to take care of ourselves and other beloved good people in our circle. Stay blessed.
Lettecha! Thank you so much and I’m so glad we spent time together in Stockholm. Your analogy though.. LOL! People are finally revealing themselves indeed. Wishing you all God’s blessings in 2017!
Your resolve to love in the face of hate is inspiring. May Love rise above the rotten tide and embrace us all.
I love your goals Dawn! Thank you so much for your kind words and yes, may Love rise above it all.
One of my favorite posts of yours yet, Lola. Happy New Near to you and your family.
Thanks bro and Happy New Year to you and yours!
“Of digging back into that well from which my creativity springs.” This was beautiful to read, Lola–I’m only so sorry about what happened to you. You’re an incredible example of rising above hate and choosing love at all costs. <3
Thank you so much Candace! <3
It boils my blood to read the opening story, but I would be naive and a liar to say that I didn’t know this happens, because – as you say – look at the sentiments and hatred 2016 unearthed. I am so happy your word for 2017 brings your focus back to you and the good that you are capable of (for yourself and others) because that’s where it all begins… I am inspired! My word for 2017 is “joy” because I have struggled to nurture, seek or even sometimes think about joy in 2016.
Thank you so much Frankie! 2016 really did bring out all the roaches from their hiding places, didn’t it?! I absolutely love your word “joy” and I wish you boundless joy in 2017!
Wise words Erin! I love your word “relinquish”. It reminds of me of my 2013 word which was “surrender”.
Vilken inspiration du är! Kärlek till dig! Mitt ord är Närvaro.
Tack så mycket Wilda! Jag älskar ditt ord.
My focus word is just Love. <3
The greatest word there is, Romy!
Oh wow Lola, vilket kraftfull inlägg. Det knyter sig i magen varje gång man hör historier som den du beskriver. Och self care, det låter himla fint och viktigt för 2017. Kram!
Tack så mycket Jenn, jag uppskattar det. Man måste bara stå upp och forsätta kämpa mot det. Jag önskar dig ett riktigt gott nytt år!
Self Care låter som ett bra ord att fokusera på under 2017. Massa kärlek till dig!
Tusen tack Helena! Kram
Kram!
Det låter som ett fantastiskt bra ord. All kärlek till dig Lola!
Tack så mycket kära Annika! <3